So When I Need To, I Can

After all this time, why do I still do Toastmasters?

So I can when I must.

Recently a close friend of mine died very suddenly and unexpectedly. The next evening I was scheduled to speak as well as perform the President and VPE roles at one of my clubs. Preparation and experience allowed me to fulfill my commitments even though I was completely scattered and distracted. When I needed to, I could.

Just three days later, I spoke at my friend's funeral. I needed to do it for myself as much as for him, and I needed to do it as well as I could. From speeches and evaluations, I had learned a lot about myself. I knew I was skilled at speaking off the cuff when I was focused, and I was absolutely not focused. I knew that I was significantly better when I was prepared, so I needed to prepare. I knew that I had to be ready to adjust to time, that my preparation time was limited, and there were things I needed to say.

As it turned out, I didn't get a chance to even start preparing until the night before. I spent several hours writing, in some cases thinking hard about the exact words to use. I had to use all my speech-writing skills from many speech projects across many manuals: how to say it, organize the speech (which I went for stream-of-consciousness since that was how I was thinking), the touching story, inspire the audience, make them laugh, and speaking in praise.

Once I found out about how much time I had to work with, I realized I would have to skip most of what I wrote, so I had to cull my script to less than half of what I had prepared. Thankfully, I had anticipated this so I knew what to cut and what to keep. Given the grief I was feeling, I knew the best I could do was read what I had written and focus on my vocal variety, which is quite hard to do when your eyes are clouded by tears and your voice is breaking.

I do not consider my writing or my presentation to be masterpieces. In fact, they were both very rough, however they were also very emotionally intense, and they were full of deep meaning. I could not have done either without my experience in Toastmasters. When I needed to, I could.

That is why I still do Toastmasters, even after all this time.

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David,

When you were asked “What happens when you miss a saving throw?”, that was not a request for a demonstration!

You and I are alike in so many ways, including a very geeky and twisted sense of humor. That’s why I thought you’d get a kick out of that joke. But don’t kick with your left leg; it might fly off and hit someone in the face -- again!

How ridiculous was it that the government told you that your condition was only temporary?  It was fun how you kept wondering aloud when your leg was going to grow back. You opened that into an entire speech of pun-laden self-deprecating humor that inspired us all.

I want to thank you again. When Susan and I started our new Toastmasters club, you jumped in -- or should I say hopped in? -- eager to participate, and you took on the role of President and helped our baby to grow. Thank you so much for helping to bring our dream to fruition.

David, do you remember when we first met at Buca di Beppo’s over here in Maitland. It was just a simple social gathering, and as usual my wife, Susan, and I were talking about hypnosis and giving small demonstrations. That caught your attention and you pulled up a chair. Your passion and fascination with hypnosis equaled to my own, and that was only the first of many.

Turns out you like comic books and Dungeons & Dragons and computer games. So do I! We both have strange views on life, on spirituality, and on relationships -- and our views were the same! We are both protectors of those we loved and rescuers of those we thought we could help. We both seek to make others’ lives better.

Now that I have met your family, I understand better why we are so much alike. We had the same energy and personalities around us growing up. We were both the eldest child, both eager for respect and responsibility, both bullied by peers, and both of us determined to make our own way. That we picked up the same interests meant we learned the same information, we identified with the same subcultures -- and we both had the same competitive streak.

Admit it, David, you loved finding someone who could match you in board games, but you were so frustrated that for that first month or two, you couldn’t beat me! So frustrated, in fact, that when you finally won your first game against me, you actually jumped up, yelling and cheering and GLOATING! I wish I had recorded that, because I must say, David, you sure know how to gloat!

I remember how often you talked about Lu and how dear she was to you. When I met her, I learned why. I wish she could be here, and so does she, but she did ask me to share her tribute.


To David, from Lu

The phrase “gentle giant” gets overused a lot, but it often seemed to me like it was invented just for you. You were the most kind-spirited, gentle, protective, goofy, geeky, amiable man I've ever met. Intensely curious about the world, always ready to believe the best about people, and almost impossible to persuade otherwise. You weren't ambitious in traditional ways. Your aspirations were to spend time doing the things you were passionate about, and to make the people you loved as happy as possible. You were passionate about so many things, and yet I never got tired of seeing you snicker and rub your hands together when something got you especially tickled. Or how you were consistently hilarious, but couldn't actually tell a joke. And how you knew you didn't have the greatest voice in the world, but sang in the car at the top of your lungs, anyway.

You always wanted to be responsible, self-sufficient, truthful, and understanding. You weren't always successful—who is?--but you were almost always motivated by concern and affection. We had plenty of rough times: you were stubborn and impulsive, and I am volatile and sharp-tongued, but your default mode was always “We can work this out.” I think the angriest you ever got at me was that one time, when I kicked your ass at Munchkin, but your real, lasting anger was against those who, in your opinion, wronged anyone you cared about.

Thank you for all the people in my life because of you. Thank you for your sometimes irritating persistence at perceiving me as the person I have the potential to be, instead of the flawed person that I am. Thank you for your strength and dedication in keeping us connected across the distance. You had room in your heart for everyone, and yet you made me feel like that heart was all mine. The memory and example of that strength, that dedication, and that open heart is what will have to keep all of us strong, now that you are out of our reach.


Susan and me and our five children love playing Dungeons & Dragons, and it was so entertaining how excited you got arranging and conducting a campaign for us. Your D&D withdrawal must have been pretty bad, but you certainly made sure to get your fix! And what wonderful storytelling skills you used, grandiose and entertaining, better than any movie, TV show, computer game, or book. Do you know how much the kids loved playing? When they arrived for summer break, they kept asking “When is Shadow coming?” “When is Shadow coming?” It’s so funny how they know you as Shadow-Dragon better than as David, but their clamoring was so persistent that Susan asked them, “Did you come here to see me or to see Shadow?”

You gave us each heroic feats to be proud of: Eric as the mage Menregan dissolving trolls in orbs of acid. Emma as the pixie Terra Rose who immolated the petrifying cocaktrices. Myself as the dominating cleric Kor who smote the evil demons invading the orphanage. Richard as the martial artist monk Riceak who crushed the treacherous insectoid Kimiko with his bare hands. Susan as the awful good paladin Alaethia Dawn who with one blow felled the evil cult’s leader by cleaving her in half. Tristan as the formidable ranger Tholoman whose arrows rip out goblin hearts at 100 yards. And then Phillip as the impulsive rogue Raloff who oh so stealthily fumbled into exposing the sneak attack!

By the way, Shadow, the first question from the kids when we told them of your passing was how were we going to play Dungeons & Dragons now. I should smite you with your own leg for that! I mean, it’s got to be at least a +2 butt-kicking weapon, right? I know, you should send us on a quest to find the Bigby’s Authoritative Foot spell. You might as well get something out of it for yourself!

David, I will be forever grateful that you were there when my life fell apart. You became the anchor to hold me down, the shield to protect Susan, and the true friend and confidant that we both needed. In my darkest hour, you stayed with me, talking, listening, and understanding. When the swords of deceit sought to harm me, you had my back. When the swords threatened you, you recognized the traitors for the cowards they were. You did not fight for justice, you sought to protect. As I wandered the incredibly difficult road out of the dark lands, you were there for me when I stumbled. You had been on this road before. You had been to that black place before. You had been betrayed before. You knew the burden I bore, and you helped me bear that burden.

That, David, is your noblest quality: you will bear any burden for the ones you love. Then there is your pride, you do not wish to burden anyone else -- even though we all have burdens to bear, and we all have burdens to share. I am grateful that I could help you with your burdens, too.

It was July, 2011 when you fell ill and ended up in the hospital. When I realized you had no one you could call on for help or even for company, I said to Susan “That’s not right! The hospital is only 3 miles away. We can keep him company!” And Susan and my son, Richard, and I did just that. We brought Settlers of Catan, and we discovered another shared passion: board games!

When you got out of the hospital, you weren’t allowed to drive. You had daily follow-up appointments by the hospital, and you lived a good 30-40 minutes away by car. I told you use our guest room, we can easily get you to your appointments. You protested. What a strange power struggle we had then. Both of us gentle and generous healers by nature, and both of us headstrong. In the end I had to make the argument clear: you can’t drive, and you don’t have anyone else you can depend on to drive you, so you’re staying here until the doctor says you are ready. What can I say, you didn’t have a leg to stand on! I am so glad you did stay, David. You were never a burden in any way, and we got to know each other quite well.

I just saw yesterday a status you had put on Facebook a couple years ago. It said: “Iron Man 2 this Saturday. I would drive a steamroller through a field of babies to get to that movie.” It reminded me of when you and Susan and I went to “The Avengers” marathon opening day. Six movies IN A ROW. My butt was numb midway through the third movie. By the end I was jacked up on caffeine and popcorn. It was a comic book geekfest. No wonder we had such a blast!

Over the past 7 weeks, you chose to spend a lot of your free time with me and my family. You ran me and Susan and the kids through a couple D&D campaign adventures, you came over several times to play board games, you helped my other Toastmasters club with it’s speech contest, you came to see Richard’s basketball team win the championship game, and you made a detour simply to help me move a television. I also helped you move into your new apartment thereby getting the most intense workout I’ve had in years. You took me and Kelly to your mom’s favorite Chinese restaurant, and Richard and I had the privilege to accompany you to visit your dad for the day. You told me how excited you were to be starting another D&D campaign with your coworkers. You were finally settling in to your apartment.

I also experienced watching football with you for the first time. We watched the last couple Florida Gators games, both of us being alumni and all. I have to say, though, giving you and your competitive streak a football game to watch is a transformative experience. Our gentle giant morphs into hyperpsychosadist. Out come screams of “Maim him!”, “Kill him!”, “Punish him for every inch!” all shouted with a sinister grin, furrowed brow, and squinting eyes that makes your face glow like the evil scientist who finally stands triumphant.

We are so much alike, you and I. We both are avid about hypnosis, about Toastmasters, about comic books and board games and role playing games. We are both healers and rescuers and protectors. We have carried each others burdens and cheered each other to success. We have learned how similarly we each perceive relationships, love, and life.

And now, my dear friend, your life has reached its end. Too suddenly. Too young. Too many questions. You, Sir, have left us a rather large conundrum. A large crimsonconundrum.

David, I am the lucky one here today. I got to spend the last six weekends with you, and I have enjoyed every one. These past two weekends, you were clearly more happy, relaxed, and content than I had ever seen you.

So many of your friends and family here are grieving. So many of us are shocked, scared, and angry. I am sure you are saying over and over “I’m so sorry.” So, David, let me give you a piece of your own advice:

You aren’t sorry.....you are awesome!

It is because you are awesome that we suffer. It is because you are awesome that we are here. It is because you are awesome that our lives are so much better for having been touched by you.

It was two weeks ago you told me you got gut checked by a quote: "you can measure the qualities of a man by how he treats someone who can offer him nothing" By that measure, Sir, you are the supreme, top-notch, penultimate, super-charged, and (of course) giant-sized hunk of man.

David, it was just three weeks ago that you told me I was your best friend.

I am proud to call you friend. I am honored and humbled to be called your friend. For all the long talks, for all the fun games, and for all the good and bad times,  I love you, I miss you, and I thank you.

Now, Shadow-Dragon, leap to both feet and take flight. Speed across the sky. Soar to the highest heights. Drink in the warmth of the sun. Spread your wings and cast your shadow across the land. Ascend to the stars and let your heart and soul shine, brighter than all the heavens. Shine as a harbinger of hope. Shine as a beacon of love. Shine that none of us need fear the shadows ever again.

To Be Great, Evaluate!

"...the two most important factors in Toastmasters are Mentoring and Evaluations" - Ralph Smedley

In my Toastmasters clubs, I meet people whose paths I would otherwise never cross. We walk in different social circles, work in different industries, and live very different lives. Because of our differences, I learn so much from every speech. I witness each member's growth. I grow just from participating.

Some guy once said "At the core, Toastmasters is about building better people." We help build each other up by providing feedback, by evaluating one another.

To Be Great, Evaluate!

In this seminar on evaluating speeches, I go in depth into the reasons why we evaluate and the ways I approach a speech evaluation.

Is Someone Watching Over Me?

This brave volunteer offered to give a typical 5-7 minute speech that I would analyze and evaluate for presentation here online.

This next video is of me muttering and writing notes during the above speech. (I should have muttered a bit louder.) You will notice I write down a lot direct quotes, the speech opening and closing, various notes on body language, and notations highlighting what I believe I should mention in the verbal evaluation.

Evaluation Preparation

This next video is again of the speech evaluation guide and the notes I am taking. During this video I am organizing my thoughts in preparation for the evaluation. I verbalize my thought process as I go. The preparation is done in under 5 minutes, the time allotted for preparation in an Evaluation Contest.

Center Stage

Now I give my evaluation. According to the timer I cut it way too close at 3:29. Whew!

Evaluation Explanation

Here I give a verbal recap of how I prepared for the evaluation.

Evaluation Points

Here are the notes I used when I gave this seminar. There are a lot of points here, a result of my curious habit of thinking strange, deep thoughts at odd, inconvenient times. I believe the notes are probably more useful than writing out a full prose narrative. I figure if you want more, the videos are right here!

• Why do we evaluate?

• Feedback
• Growth
• Encouragement
• Improve / Get Better!
• Who is the evaluation for?
  • EVERYONE
• What do we evaluate?
  • Speaker's goals
    • Above all others
  • Project's goals
    • There is no failure. Credit is never denied.
    • Give the same speech 10 times!
    • Example: Grunt!
  • Technical skills
    • From CC: organization, structure, vocal variety, word choice, body language, visual aids
  • Emotional connection
    • Rapport, specifics vs. generics, pacing, anchoring and firing
    • Stories and Characters – Names and Dialog
  • NOT THE CONTENT
    • Example: the evangelist
    • Example: the politician
• How NOT to evaluate
  • Whitewash
  • “We see the faults of others quickly, but we are blind to our own.”
  • Chainsaw
  • Public humiliation – what is the fear of public speaking all about??

• How to evaluate – Many ways!
  • The evaluation guide
    • Easy, just read the questions
  • Focus on the technical
  • Focus on the emotional
  • Be very specific
    • Example: “I was so excited.”
• What if there is nothing?
  • Twist it
  • How would it be as humorous, persuasive, or inspirational?
  • What about longer time frame or larger audience?

• How I do it!
  • Write. A lot.
    • Write down the first sentence, how engaging it was
    • Write down triads
    • Write down awkward and unusual words
    • Write down key phrases
    • Write down humorous moments
    • Draw simple diagrams of notable body language
    • Write down conclusion
  • Preparation
    • 3 +
    • 3 ^
    • Arrange highest + last, second highest + first
    • Opening, match to speech opening if possible
    • Conclusion, match to speech conclusion or humorous moment
  • Delivery
    • Focus on the speaker, include the audience
    • Praise speaker to everyone, make suggestions just to the speaker
    • Focused on presentation
    • Upbeat

• Contest
  • Judge's Guide
    • Analytical Quality (clear, focused)
    • Recommendations (positive, specific, helpful)
    • Technique (sympathetic, sensitive, motivational)
    • Summation (concise, encouraging)
  • Evaluation is a speech
    • Opening, Body, Conclusion
    • Make 3 points
    • Give specific examples and suggestions
  • Personalize
  • Engage
  • Recreate
    • Warning: Don't recreate satire. I tried. The judges didn't get it.
  • Stand out!
  • Be happy with your performance. Do not care about the judges' decision.

Have Fun!

Despite, or rather because, of the importance of evaluations, have fun with them! Try new ideas, experiment, and never be afraid to look silly. Those are the evaluations that everyone will remember best and learn the most!

For Us All

My goal here was to provide a tool by which Toastmasters could learn about the importance of evaluations, discover different ways to think when evaluating a speech, and to observe an up-close and detailed view of a typical speech evaluation preparation and presentation.

If you found this useful, please let others know about it. If you have feedback, then please tell me -- in the most encouraging way possible!

"While most of us may have entered Toastmasters to learn to make speeches, that benefit is but the beginning of the good which may come to us, and the good which we may do for mankind."

- Ralph Smedley

Mentor!

Mentoring has not been my strong point. I have not been a very proactive mentor, at least. I am happy to help when asked, but I wait to be asked.

A couple nights ago a fellow Toastmaster gave a short seminar on mentoring. She has put up her speech and materials online for all to see. I will certainly be using them!

http://aspacethatworks.com/toastmasters/

Don't Look, Listen!

For me, the hardest part of being a grammarian, ah counter, or timer is getting too engrossed in the speaker and forgetting my primary task.

In order to avoid getting caught up, I do NOT look at the speaker. I look down. I close my eyes. I don't pay attention to the speech or the speaker; I just pay attention to the words.

As ah counter, I can focus on the specific words and listen for the tell-tale ahs, ums, and run-on sentences. I am amazed sometimes at how subtle they can be. I also try to listen for other possible crutches, such as "y'know", "bascially", and "ya see" so I can call those out. Even more interesting are tongue clicks or lip smacks.

As timer, I look at the stopwatch. At a regular club meeting, I will hold the stopwatch up so I can see it while still looking at the speaker. When I am timing at a contest, though, I absolutely do not attempt to listen to the speech at all. I watch at the very beginning so I can know when to start timing, and then I spend the rest of the time looking only at the stopwatch and waiting for the timing signal opportunities and for the speech to end.

I have noticed that a lot of Toastmasters are good using timing lights when they are available. However, when colored cards are being used instead, many have a tendency to hold the card up for a few seconds and then lay it down. That is not good for the speaker, though, since he or she might not be looking right at the timer during those few seconds! Whether using lights or cards, they should be displayed constantly until it is time to display the next signal. For a 5-7 minute speech, the green light or card should be displayed constantly from 5:00 to 6:00, the yellow/amber light or card should be displayed constantly from 6:00 to 7:00, and the red light or card should be displayed constantly from 7:00 until the speech is complete.  (If an audible signal is being used, it does not need to be constant since it can be assumed the speaker heard the sound regardless of where he or she might have been looking -- but don't be late with the signal!!)

As grammarian, the toughest part of the job is listening for ways to improve grammar. It's easy to write down the cute and funny things people say; those are memorable and are easily noticed. It takes a lot more effort to catch subject/verb mismatches ("things is" instead of "things are"), improper word choice ("lie" vs. "lay", one of the favorites of one tough grammarian I have known), or my own favorite the English future subjunctive ("if I were", not "if I was"!). It also helps to listen for heavy use of pronouns or generic nouns (like "things" or "stuff"), overused adjectives and adverbs (like "great" and "very") which happens a lot in evaluations, and especially trite clichés ("without further ado", "with that said", and "last but not least"). If you can point these out and give specific examples in the short time allotted for your report, then you will significantly help everyone improve their communication skills.

The key for me has been to stop looking and to start listening.

Getting Competent With The Competent Leadership Manual

I like the Competent Leadership (CL) manual. When the CL manual was introduced in 2005, I particularly liked how it took an approach similar to the Competent Communication (CC) manual in that it broke down particular skills associated with good leaders into 10 individual projects and allowed members to focus on and get feedback directly on those specific skills.

Unfortunately, the CL manual did not fit the model Toastmasters members were familiar with: one project with specific goals finished in one meeting and a simple order to the projects. The CL manual instead had multiple steps required to finish a project. Completing the manual requires jumping around from project to project depending on which role you happened to be performing. It takes at least 21 steps to complete the CL manual.

Educating members about the CL manual was difficult. Only a few members actually got it, particularly the very active members. Three years later, I was a club president and the CL manual had become mandatory for the leadership track. In that club, the President conducted club business at the beginning of the meeting. I made copies of questions from the CL manual for all those steps associated with meeting role. At the beginning of each meeting, I asked each person on the agenda if they had their CL manual. If they did I made sure they had passed it another member for an evaluation. If they did not have it, I pulled out a set of questions for that role and asked who would evaluate it. At the end of each meeting, everyone had a CL evaluation unless they had specifically declined. That did help participation a lot.

When the second version of the CL manual was published, a new tracking sheet had been designed which immensely improved the understanding of the average member. Today most members still do not think to bring along their CL manual or to pull it out and pass it around. I've heard of some clubs that keep everyone's CL manual with the clubs materials so they cannot be forgotten, but none of my clubs have done this yet.

I do hope that we can find a way to better educate new and old members alike in the usage and benefits of the Competent Leadership manual. It's so easy to do since you are not doing anything more than you already do as a club member. The only difference is you are getting feedback, and that's why you joined Toastmasters in the first place, right?

I know! We need to add one more project at the beginning of the Toastmasters curriculum and required every 6-12 months: Taking The Initiative!

Tracking Progress

I'm currently a VP Education which is an office I've held many times before. I have particular opinions on the role, such as asking for volunteers is great but assigning people to roles is better.

One of my weaknesses as VP Education is tracking members' progress. A big reason for that is simply a self-centered view. Since I am in multiple clubs, no one VP Education can keep track of me so I have to keep track of myself. It's not that hard, so all Toastmasters can do it, right?

Anyhow, there was a specific request recently that I find a way to track members' progress and make it visible for all the members. I logged in to our club's Google Docs account and created a spreadsheet. The spreadsheet doesn't automate or calculate anything, but I think it does make it incredibly easy to enter data and track progress. I even made the document editable for all the members so anyone can update it.

Since I thought it was useful, I saved a copy for myself and recorded all of my awards in it including my 7 CTM/CCs, my 5 ATM/ACs, my 4 OLCs, and my progress towards ALS. It's pretty easy to follow so I am sharing it here for others to use. Save a copy to your own Google Docs or download it for your preferred spreadsheet program.

There are six sheets in the document which you can see by the tabs at the bottom: CC, CL, AC, ALB, ALS, and DTM. All the requirements are listed in the headers for each sheet's table. The entries in each table correspond to one line per achievement.

If your club doesn't have a Google Docs account yet, get one! Get a Google Voice number too! More on those later.

Topping Table Topics - My Stories

Nearly everyone's first Toastmasters speaking experience is a Table Topic. Some love it; some hate it. I generally enjoy Table Topics, but many fear brain freeze: having no idea what to say -- and everyone staring at them.

Although I may not know what the Table Topic will be, there are still ways I prepare and tactics I use. In fact, these are the very skills I have used in job interviews and social situations with great success.
 
One of my strategies is to keep 1-3 stories in mind with the hope that the Table Topic can be somehow redirected smoothly into one of those stories.

Some stories I have used are:

• Showing my son his first earthworm when he was 4. He pulled the worm apart.
• A brief telling of a contest speech I had previously done.
• My contest evaluation that was interrupted by the fire alarm.
• How I nearly got married in a Star Trek uniform.
• The backstory behind one of my songs.
• How my son determined babies come from Babies-R-Us.
• Scoring a goal in soccer from half field.

The underlying commonality, each of these stories are personal stories. The advantage is that I already know these stories, and I have told them many times. Telling these stories as a Table Topic is really no different than when I tell them over dinner,  riding in a car, or talking on the phone.

Sometimes none of the stories I had prepared fit nicely with the Table Topic provided. In some cases, I have ignored the Table Topic or contorted my response so I can tell my story anyway. In other cases, I have to abandon this strategy and a different one.

I have used this tactic to great success in speech contests, and I have also used it in job interviews -- and it has landed me job offers.

I am always interested in developing more stories to add to my repertoire. The more I have, the more I can draw on when the unexpected is thrust upon me. Uncertainty does not preclude preparation!